„Everything was better in the past“ – Myth or Reality?

Ah, the classic: “Everything was better in the past.” We’ve all heard it – especially when it comes to marriage, family, or societal roles. But before we get nostalgic: Often, it’s nothing more than a rose-colored filter over our memories.

Spoiler: Reality was rarely as harmonious as Grandma might have told us.

Rosy Retrospection: When Memories Deceive Us

An important psychological mechanism plays a key role here: Rosy Retrospection. This is the tendency to remember past events more positively than they actually were. Unpleasant or stressful aspects are filtered out. In short: we romanticize the past – sorry to burst your bubble!

Question for you: Which nostalgic ideas still shape your view of relationships?

The Reality Behind Traditional Marriage and Family Models

Historical circumstances strongly influenced partnerships. Many women stayed in their marriages back then not out of love, but because they had no alternatives:

• Access to personal income or financial resources was often limited.

• Legal dependence on husbands made independence difficult.

• Domestic violence and marital rape were socially tolerated and rarely sanctioned by law.

In short: freedom and self-determination were far from guaranteed.

Family Planning in Historical Context

• Limited access to contraception led to more frequent and unintended pregnancies.

• Higher child mortality influenced family size.

• Lack of medical care and childbirth risks were common for women.

Why Nostalgic Idealization Is Problematic

The ideal of “everything was better in the past” can distort expectations today:

• Breakups or alternative relationship forms are now expressions of choice, not “inability to maintain a relationship.”

• Modern partnerships increasingly rely on equality, communication, and mutual respect.

Prompt for reflection: Which ideas from old stories still influence your expectations of partnerships?

Diversity of Relationship Models and Mental Health

Research shows: diverse relationship models – including polyamorous or queer partnerships – not only exist but are often associated with high satisfaction and good mental health. Studies found no significant differences in relationship quality or sexual satisfaction between monogamous and consensually non-monogamous partnerships (Taylor & Francis, 2025; The Guardian, 2025).

Takeaway: Being open to diverse ways of living can enrich our relationships and support mental health.

Conscious Choice Instead of Nostalgic Idealization

The ideal of “everything was better in the past” is often based on distorted memories – but that doesn’t mean the past was automatically bad. There were certainly beautiful, valuable moments. At the same time, it’s worth taking off the rose-colored glasses: reality also included significant limitations and inequalities that we should not romanticize.

This also means that even older couples now have the opportunity to shape their relationships more freely, consciously, and authentically – a valuable achievement we should acknowledge.

Today, we also have the chance to make conscious choices:

• Which partnerships truly strengthen us?

• Which values matter most in our relationships?

• Where can we seek support to create healthy partnerships?

Conclusion: Choice, openness, and respect are the foundations of modern relationship and family design – values worth fostering.

Rebel Takeaway

Forget the rose-colored glasses! It’s easy to romanticize the past, but understanding it requires reflection. Use today’s freedom to shape your relationships by your own rules – with awareness, respect, and a healthy dose of self-determination. And yes: sometimes it’s chaotic, sometimes wonderful – but always authentic.