As we step into the new year, many of us feel the magnetic pull of resolutions, goals, and that heady promise of a "new me." But let me be honest: New Year's resolutions have never been my thing. Instead, for many years now, I have relied on “intention setting” - intentions that guide me. Often accompanied by a powerful mantra. This year, I have chosen the following mantra: life expands or shrinks in proportion to one’s courage.
This gem of wisdom, from the brilliant Anaïs Nin, recently resurfaced for me while reading Florence Given’s new book, Women Living Deliciously. Florence makes a provocative case: confidence isn’t what we need to live our best lives—courage is. The distinction between the two hit me like a lightning bolt. Confidence feels like a polished trophy, but courage is the unpolished, messy, and exhilarating act of just showing up.
The Science of Courage: Why It Matters
From a psychological perspective, courage is the cornerstone of growth. During my education in Adlerian Psychology, one of the most profound lessons I learned was the importance of encouragement—a term derived from the Latin cor, meaning heart. Encouragement isn’t about showering someone with compliments or platitudes; it’s about nurturing the courage to act in the face of fear. This principle has shaped my approach as a counselor and remains a key asset in every session I facilitate.
Courage is also deeply linked to neurobiology. Research shows that acts of bravery—whether public speaking, initiating a difficult conversation, or saying no to something that drains us—activate the brain’s reward system. Each courageous act reinforces itself, making future acts of courage easier. It's a feedback loop of empowerment.
Courage in My Own Life: A Humbling Journey
If I’m being honest, courage has been more of a reluctant dance partner than a steady companion in my life lately. One of my most courageous acts was leaving behind the exhausting pursuit of people-pleasing. For years, I tried to mold myself into everyone else’s ideal version of me. It was only when I summoned the courage to stop—to risk disapproval and embrace authenticity—that my life began to expand.
This journey wasn’t pretty. There were awkward silences, unmet expectations, and the occasional panic spiral. But there were also liberating moments of joy, deeper relationships, and an unapologetic sense of self. Courage didn’t come as a thunderous roar; it arrived in quiet, persistent whispers: "You can do this."
Courage Versus Confidence: A Paradigm Shift
Confidence, as Florence Given aptly points out, is often presented as a prerequisite for action. But waiting for confidence is like waiting for the rain to stop before jumping in a puddle. Courage, on the other hand, propels you forward despite the absence of assurance. It’s not about being unafraid; it’s about acting even when your knees are shaking.
Encouragement: Fueling Courage in Others
Encouragement is a superpower. As a counselor, I’ve witnessed how even the smallest acts of affirmation can unlock reservoirs of courage in others. Adlerian Psychology teaches that encouragement helps individuals recognize their inner strengths and confront challenges with resilience. It’s not about inflating egos; it’s about empowering hearts.
And it’s not just for counselors. Imagine the ripple effect if we all resolved to encourage one another more in 2025. What if, instead of saying, “You’ll be fine,” we said, “I see your bravery, and I believe in you”?
A New Year’s Invitation
As we welcome 2025, let’s leave behind the idea that we need to perfect ourselves before we dare to act. Let’s trade the pursuit of confidence for the practice of courage. Let’s expand our lives not by waiting until we feel ready but by stepping forward, even when we’re terrified.
So here’s my wish for all of us this year: May we find courage in the little things. May we speak up, stand out, and say no when it matters. May we encourage each other to take leaps, even if we stumble. Because life—as Anaïs Nin reminds us—is waiting to expand in the most delicious ways, if only we dare.
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