When was the last time you truly felt like you belonged? I mean, really – with all the warmth in your chest, the thought "I belong here," and maybe even a happy sigh? Let’s be honest, such moments are rare, especially when daily life often feels like a relay race between to-do lists, work, and Netflix.

Who hasn’t asked themselves: "Where do I belong?" This feeling of being part of something greater isn’t just a nice thought; it’s a fundamental human need. According to Alfred Adler, the founder of Individual Psychology, these moments of belonging are not only pleasant – they are essential. He highlighted the concept of belonging as a core element of his teaching – a concept that reminds us that while we are all unique, we only truly thrive in connection with others.
But what exactly is behind this, why is it so important, and how can we cultivate it in our lives?
The Roots of Belonging
Adler believed that humans are naturally social beings. Our need for belonging is deeply rooted in our evolution. In the Stone Age, living in a group was a matter of survival. Those who felt excluded were literally doomed. While we may no longer face hungry predators today, our brains haven’t forgotten this need.
Individuality Meets Community: Adler’s Balancing Act
Adler viewed the pursuit of belonging as the foundation of "community feeling." It describes the deep desire to contribute to society and feel like a valuable part of the community. Adler believed that a strong sense of community helps us lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.
However, Adler was no fan of "either-or." He believed that individuality and community should go hand in hand. You don’t have to be a social butterfly to feel connected, but neither do you have to be a lone wolf to be unique. Adler was convinced that community feeling arises when we know our strengths and use them for something greater. It’s not about losing ourselves, but about realizing that we are stronger when we work together – like an Avengers team, but without the superpowers.
Belonging and Modern Challenges
In our contemporary, often individualistic world, the sense of belonging can easily take a back seat. Social media amplifies the impression that everyone else has "found their place," while we sometimes feel like a puzzle piece that doesn’t quite fit anywhere. The irony? Even those shining on Instagram are often just as desperately searching for belonging.
What Happens When Belonging is Missing?
The consequences of lacking a sense of belonging can be severe. People who feel excluded or disconnected may develop symptoms of loneliness, depression, and anxiety. These psychological burdens can, in turn, affect physical health – creating a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.
How We Can Foster Belonging
But don’t worry, there are ways to strengthen the sense of belonging. Here are some tips that are inspired by Adler, but also grounded in scientific research:
Contribute Instead of Compare: Rather than comparing yourself to others, think about how you can contribute your unique strengths to the community. Maybe you’re the one who lightens even the dullest meetings with a touch of humor? Adler would give you a round of applause for that!
Seek Community: Whether it’s a sports club, a book club, or a relaxing evening with friends – find places where you can show up authentically. Belonging comes from genuine connections, not perfection.
Practice Self-Compassion: Belonging starts with yourself. When you are kind to yourself, it becomes easier to open up to others.
Shift Perspectives: Adler emphasized the importance of empathy. Try to see the world through the eyes of others. This leads to deeper connections and a greater understanding of each other.
Live Acceptance: A key pillar of belonging is acceptance – both for ourselves and for others. "You are good just as you are. I am good just as I am." When we accept ourselves and others with this mindset, we create a foundation for authentic, valuable connections.
Community Feeling: A Vital Elixir with Humor and Heart
Adler taught us that while we are all individually great, without other people we often feel like a puzzle with missing pieces. A sense of belonging and community is what makes life meaningful – like salt in the dough or the last sip of coffee in the morning. So why not do something today to strengthen that feeling? Maybe a nice conversation, a compliment, or a call to a friend who’s always there for you?
And remember: It’s okay to sometimes feel like you don’t quite belong – no one fits in everywhere. But somewhere, a community is waiting where you fit just right.
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